FOUR YEARS AGO, I wrote you the following letter. Four years later, I hope you know I was always in your corner. #nonewfriends ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Too soon? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀😜
October 30, 2014 I wrote:
My dearest Amanda,
First off, you’re not “crazy”. but you do got some issues boo. How you choose to define them is your business but unfortunately the medical community doesn’t accept suggestions for how to improve their terminology – believe me I’ve tried. but that doesn’t mean I haven’t made a few unofficial classifications, ie. #BATSHITCRAZY = Bipolar.
I’ve accepted my #BATSHITCRAZY, but for a long time I fought my diagnosis. For five years to be exact. The first time a doctor told me he thought I was experiencing manic episodes I literally said to him, “Thanks, but no thanks I have enough crazy already.” because being “depressed” was one thing – being “crazy” was scarier that Joan Rivers without makeup. #toosoon? #oops
With time I’ve learned that being #BATSHITCRAZY isn’t always a bad thing. But if you don’t learn how to manage your [insert your own term] the good will definitely outweigh the bad. and gurlllll let me tell you – the bad is baddd. its like being trapped in your own personal hell. with no air conditioning. and I won’t even tell you what happens to your weave…#hotnappymess
So now my daily routine consists of a happy pill + a don’t go #BATSHITCRAZY pill every morning. I mean doesn’t happy pills sounds wayyyyy better than anti-depressants? but what do I know? I just take them every. single. damn. day.
I wish I could say that I’m a regular pill popper but….not so much. In my defense, I have a hard time with any kind of commitment. I’m more about convenience – i.e. area codes or location bitches as my sister likes to call them. but that’s another story. The reason why I even mentioned this is because I’ve applied the same methodology to my pills. I keep them everywhere. #literally From my wallet to the trunk of my car to my bra. because if they can hold my melons, they can certainly hold my meds.
But I’m not here to tell you what to do. You have to reach a point where you’re willingly to deal with your “issues”. not so you can be normal – because quite frankly “normal” is overrated. but so that you can find balance. and not just in regards to your diet.
So gurl ignore the haters. They are some basic bitches. and we are some bad ass #BATSHITCRAZY betches. and if you ever need anything holler at your girl. but not over Twitter. I meant AT not @. #struggle
PS. Find a doctor that you can trust. And if he happens to look like McDreamy – you gots to give me his digits. #STAT