“You’re the best friend I could ever settle for.“
Its not that I’m ugly. I’m just not a supermodel. And no, I’m not fishing for a compliment to boost to my non-existent self esteem. I have other redeeming qualities thank-you-very-much. But my best friend Spank is hot. I mean muy caliente. And smart – she’s going to school to become a medical professional while I continue to be a medicated professional. And, most importantly, she’s BATSHITCRAZY- hence why we’re best friends.
We are caramel and chocolate. Crazy and crazier. Decently cute and friggin’ gorgeous. It works. for us at least. That’s not to say that we haven’t gone BATSHITCRAZY on others and even worse – on each other (think World War I. on steroids). I believe our first epic fight was in middle school during a 2-on-2 volleyball tournament. I’m pretty sure the only reason why we won was because our opponents were too distracted by the all the insults (instead of volleyballs) being hurled – not by them or even at them, but by us, and directly at each other. My personal favorite: “You have mosquito bites!” Sorry Spank. We were 12 – that was a major insult back then. And for the record she no longer has mosquito bites – they are definitely bee stings…definitely.
Oh, and did I mention that we were wearing hand-made matching sequin jerseys? Oh yes. They were everything you are thinking and so much more. Spank believes in fashion before everything – I’m almost positive she was born covered in glitter and her pee is liquid gold. Yes, I just went there. She’s going to kill me. with her glue gun.
P.S. I love you Spank (she’s still going to kill me, but maybe she’ll use her glitter gun instead.)
(If you like this, then you’ll LOVE Liquor can give you wings, but you had better know how to fly.)