“↠HUNGER GAMES↞What a great theme for our reunion!“
I feel like I’m back in college trying to get a paper finished before the midnight deadline. And by before, I mean 11:59 pm. If I told you all the deviant ways I cheated the system they might try to take my college degree back. #notakebacks
I don’t know about you, but nothing motivates me more to get into peak physical condition than a wedding, a reunion, or a funeral. (Yes, I went there.)
If we’re being honest, most people are usually focused on the bride the day of the wedding. But later on, when they are reviewing the photos, trust me when I say they will notice YOU, especially if you are caught at an unflattering angle or at an embarrassingly awkward moment. #storyofmylife
So in preparation for my next reunion – which is fast approaching – I have decided to try to avoid taking unflattering photos that will be seen and shared #ihatesocialmedia by focusing on improving the area of my body that I find the most unflattering: my abs, or to be exact – the lack there of. Back in the day I used to rock a mean 2 pack. It may have been only for a day or two, but it was there. I saw it. I’m not that BATSHITCRAZY. #fml
So today’s workout is…. Drumroll please….
Tell us what area of you body you would like to improve most, what your “goal” is (i.e. a certain LBD (little black dress), a racy number for his/her eyes only, etc.) and then let’s set a realistic plan to make it happen. And if your body is perfect just the way it is then #keepittoyourself
I’ll go first.
Q: What the area of your body do you want to improve the most?
A: As tempted as I am to say EVERYWHERE, I think it its my abs (or the lack there of ) that makes me feel the most insecure. I don’t feel comfortable in tight clothing especially without an undershirt.
Q: What is your “goal”?
A: Getting to wear a tight shirt without an undershirt. Being able to go braless would be amazeballs but I’m not that BATSHITCRAZY. Even if I lose 30 lbs, my tits will never be small enough for me to be able to run around freely – sadly there is no Declaration of Independence that can release my tits from being my bra’s bitch. #bowdown
My realistic plan to make it happen:
I am pledging to do ab exercises for 30 mins everyday. My love handles better say their goodbyes because I will be going to their funeral very soon. wearing a crop top. #takethatbitch
Now as for your mindset going into this challenge – you can look at it as a wedding, reunion or funeral.
1. The Wedding mindset – I know the journey to the altar is a bitch but in the end it will all be worth it. (i.e. optimism and cheer)
2. The Funeral mindset – die. bitch. die. It’s called a death celebration for a reason.
3. The Reunion Mindset – I haven’t seen you for ___ years. I haven’t looked like that photo we took ___ years ago in ___ years. #fml
If you haven’t guessed already, I’m taking #2. It’s die. bitch. die. with a hint of #fml
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Don’t forget to follow these 4 STEPS:
1. CHOOSE A WORKOUT(s). If you choose to use a workout created by someone else please give them credit and share the link. And I am not opposed to the bedroom option but, no, battery operated devices do not count. And gentlemen – jacking off also does not count – well… maybe we will let it count as 5-7 minutes of very very very light weight lifting.
2. After you have COMPLETED your workout, ADD YOUR WORKOUT ROUTINE TO THE COMMENT SECTION (of this post). I want details. And I want the TRUTH – because if you feel like death afterwards I would like to know so that I can get my will and last testament in order before attempting that workout.
3. RATE THE INTENSITY OF YOUR WORKOUT. The rating system is 0-10. 0 = my grandmother could do this without breaking a sweat or a hip and 10 = unless your training for the Sex Olympics I would avoid this workout at all costs (is that even a real thing? I don’t know, but that’s the only type of competitive sport I am interested in.)
4. DON’T FORGET TO INCLUDE YOUR FITNESS LEVEL (i.e how often, how long, and what type(s) of workout(s) that you actually do – I italicized actually on purpose). An intensity rating of 5 for you, might be a 10.5 for someone else so this will help us properly interpret your workout intensity rating. (And if you lie about it – and I die – I will have you arrested for accessory to murder. #pushupscankill)
Now get those buns moving – you have your mission and your orders. #overandout
(Don’t forget to check out W.o.W. W.orko.ut W.ednesdays – Vol. 3 #iamnotfat #imjustwellfed)
P.S. A SPECIAL REQUEST: I’m looking for any, and every workout that maximizes fat burning with minimal water damage to my weave. (water damage is code for sweat.) #weaves.are.just.too.damn.expensive
P.S.P.S. My weave thanks you in advance.